СМИ о нашем опыте
Nannies from the UK help children start speaking English without a language barrier.
English governesses have long been considered the standard of restraint and good manners. "Дети Mail.Ru" project managed to find out what they think about raising Russian children.
Let us present you Claire St. Anderson and Elizabeth Blake. They are not from popular novels by Charlotte Bronte but are quite modern girls and professional nannies from London. For more than four years, Claire and Elizabeth have been working as governesses in Moscow at the English Nanny Agency and teaching English and good manners to Russian children. What surprised them most about our parenting methods and family life?
«A child in Russia is a little God»
Elizabeth was surprised that Russian children have a lot of freedom. "A child can interrupt the conversation of two adults, demand food or toy, - the girl says. - And the mother will not scold him, on the contrary, she will try to satisfy the request. My parents in this situation would usually answer: "Wait! Can't you see that adults are talking here?"
In stores I often see kids begging for something from their mothers. She would usually say "no" twice, and then agree after the third try. It is easier for her to buy what the child asks for than to deal with their cries. Unfortunately, this easy way leads to some very bad consequences. In England, "no" always means " no". As a child, I didn't even dare ask why, because my parents could easily deprive me of pocket money for whining and whimpering. I think this is right.
Children should be taught how to control their desires, calmly accept rejection, and be disciplined. Parents think that by indulging their child's desires, they are expressing their love for them. But in fact, they demonstrate an inability to control children, spoil them and create more problems for the future. Since childhood, the baby understands: you don't have to work hard to achieve what you want, but simply demand for longer and shout louder.
"In England, "no" always means "no," says nanny Elizabeth.
I think this is not a problem of just one family, but rather a cultural feature of the attitude to children. In Russia, a child is the center of the Universe. In England, the child is the youngest member of the family, so they obey everyone. The underground shows this difference very clearly. In Moscow, many will let a mother with a 9-year-old son sit, since «He's a child!» In England it is different: "The eldest must sit, the child can stand." Of course, there are plenty of naughty children in England. But in general, upbringing there is stricter, more disciplined.
The second nanny, Claire, had a slightly different impression of the attitude to children in Russia. She believes that Russian children are very serious, don't smile much, and are very busy studying and playing sports. "Many of the boys I worked with in Moscow are extremely busy. In addition to studying, everyone attends 2-3 clubs, plays at least one sport, work with tutors and attends a music school. They go to bed very late and then yawn in class and listen inattentively. For comparison: in England, children go to bed before 18.00. My parents only allowed me to stay up until 20: 30, when I turned 13 years old.
«We treat cold differently»
"In Russia, for the first time in my life, I heard that you can't eat cold food when you have a cold," says Claire. – "My pupil's mother asked me to warm up the yogurt in the microwave before giving it to the child. To be honest, this is completely incomprehensible to me. But in England, it is believed that it is harmful to eat sweets and use caffeine when you have a cold, and here it's different. Tea with jam or sugar is given to a child if he gets his feet wet. By the way, we are much less likely to give children tea. It contains caffeine, and it may be harmful for the child's nervous system."
Elizabeth is also surprised by Russian mothers' fears of the cold: "In the UK, no one believes that a child should wear socks, otherwise their feet will freeze and they will get sick. No one has even heard that you can not eat ice cream or have drinks with ice. By the way, there is no scientific justification for this information. England is not the warmest country in the world. in winter, our homes are much cooler than yours, but children get colds less often."
Is dad the head of the family?
Both Claire and Elizabeth say that the UK family structure is more democratic than in Russia. The Patriarchy reigned there more than 20 years ago and is no longer so popular. "In England, almost all women are feminists," says Elizabeth – "but I want to explain exactly what we put into this concept. We do not claim that men and women are the same. They certainly differ from each other, but they should have equal rights in everything.
In the professional sphere, this is still difficult. For example, for the same job in an identical position, a man can get twice as much money. But there is some progress in family life. Men no longer believe that domestic duties are exclusively women's business. They also recognize that both parents should actively participate in the upbringing and care of the child.
British men do not believe that domestic duties are only women's business
Many Russian girls are looking for a rich husband to give birth to a child and never work again. In my opinion, those who managed to do this are not very happy. They simply do not have anything to wake up for in the morning, their life is boring. I think every woman should have her own business. I have never relied on men financially, even now I earn more than my boyfriend. This gives me a certain inner freedom and a sense of satisfaction."
The main mistake of Russian schools
Many moms and dads make great efforts to make their child learn English from childhood. Some take their children to courses from the age of two, some hire a tutor or an English nanny, and some rely on school teachers.
Elizabeth tells us which method works best: "To be honest, I only heard good English in Russia from those children who had an English-speaking nanny or experience of living abroad. No offense to schools and teachers, but their language teaching methods work poorly. Children are forced to memorize words and grammar rules. And no one tell them how to use all that information. As a result, after finishing school, the child writes tolerably well, understands English, but can not speak.
It is not enough to just teach children how to pronounce words: "this is a ball, and this is a skipping rope." In order for a child to be able to use these words in a sentence, it is necessary to talk to them as much as possible in English. The best option is an English-speaking governess or training in a summer camp in England. It is the environment and intensive communication that allows you to learn a language quickly.
It also happens that I correct an error in speech, and the child says that this is how he was taught at school. It turns out that at school, even teachers do not know all the subtleties and nuances. It is difficult to blame teachers for this because they probably learned the language from Russian textbooks and programs." Claire: "I met many children in Moscow who speak excellent English. But I agree with Elizabeth, almost all were taught by native speakers almost from birth, and the rest have an English-speaking mother or father."
"At school, the child will have to make a tremendous effort to bring English to such a high level. Therefore, as a teacher, I also recommend an English nanny or tutor."
Claire:"One of the main mistakes of Russian schools is the emphasis on cramming and the lack of an individual approach," said Valentin Grogol, director of English Nanny in Russia and the CIS. - "Let's take a look at foreign language teaching methods. Children are taught complex grammar, forced to read dull texts, while the same can be explained through the interests of children and their hobbies, making classes lively and interesting.
Another mistake is the lack of language education at preschool age. It is known that the most effective time for learning foreign languages is before 7 years. A child who studies English at the age of three, for example, with our English nanny, will speak it better and more confidently than the average graduate of a Russian school. It is a pity that the opportunity to use the potential of pre-school education is very limited."
English Nannya Porsche RU tubeSomething about grannies and spanking
In matters of raising children in Russia, parents often rely on grandmothers, and they, in turn, do not mind the old methods of punishment like slapping and standing in the corner. What do English governesses think of this?
Claire: "Grandmothers in Russia are really different. Sometimes they put so much pressure on parents that it is even frightening. I observed situations when a grandmother gave her daughter who has her own children already Intrusive advice, taught her something, and even scolded her. In the UK, mature women are more concerned with their own lives than with the lives of their children and grandchildren."
Elizabeth: "I love your grandmothers. There is an old lady living in the same building, she is very kind and friendly, constantly treats me with jam and accepts me as her own daughter. You will not find such a thing in England! As for physical punishments, such as spanking, my parents sometimes spanked me as a child. But I will raise my children in a different way. I want them to understand that any questions can be solved with the help of communication and words. Of course, there is no spanking happening at work, either in England or in Russia. We never use physical force on our students. We communicate."
In the comments, tell us if you agree with the opinion of English nannies. Would you like a governess from the UK to help you raise and educate your child?